OffBeat Pathfinder Basecamp

First thing you gotta know about Minneapolis is there’s like…more lakes than fast food joints. Spent my Saturday hopping from Lake Calhoun (fine, “Bde Maka Ska” but I still mess it up) to Lake Harriet, paddleboarded until my arms gave up.

Stopped for a Juicy Lucy at Matt’s Bar (I get the cheese burn every single time—never learn).

Walker Art Center? Modern art that makes you go “huh.” But honestly, the sculpture garden’s Spoonbridge and Cherry is worth a selfie (even if your hair’s full of lake wind and mosquitos).

Weather was mostly nice—by which I mean it only snowed twice.

Pro tip: Take the bike trails. You’ll see like seven different types of dogs, two wedding photoshoots, and a guy dressed as Paul Bunyan running a 5K.

Anyone else got stories from the Chain of Lakes? Or is the Mill City Museum actually haunted? I swear something touched my neck near the flour tower…

Visited the Minneapolis Institute of Art for the Impressionism exhibit—uff da, the crowd. But the paintings made up for the parking stress. Also: don’t skip Midtown Global Market if you want empanadas that’ll ruin you for life.

PS: My cousin swears there’s a secret tunnel under the Guthrie Theater, but after two Surlys I’d believe anything.

Sat on the Stone Arch Bridge at sunset, watched the river eat the sky. Felt like poetry, so I wrote some. Minnesota’s good for that.

Never thought I’d be surfing in Minnesota, but here I am, catching “waves” behind a pontoon on Lake Nokomis. The water’s cold, the looks are colder. At least nobody’s judging my wetsuit tan. Anyone do the paddle pub thing? My wife nearly lost her phone to the “sea.”

Did the Mill City Museum ghost tour last fall. Something banged on the elevator and nobody fessed up. Walked home past First Ave and pretended I was Prince (wasn’t even close, but it’s tradition).

Fun fact: Minneapolis has over 13 lakes inside city limits. You can walk from the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden to the University of Minnesota campus almost entirely by trail. Bring bug spray and snacks. Don’t try to ice fish before December.